When Google Music suggested I might like the song “What Was I Made For” from the new Barbie movie soundtrack last night, I was instantly drawn to the beautiful piano and harp, the simple chords, and those ethereal, airy vocals of Billie Eilish. I especially appreciate all of the spaces between the words.

The tune carries a familiar melancholy in delivering piercingly raw existential questions. Though they’re from the perspective of Barbie, we humans sure can relate.

Turns out I’m not real… just something you paid for… what was I made for?

Cause I… I don’t know how to feel… but I wanna try… I don’t know how to feel… but someday I might… someday I might.

Think I forgot how to be happy… something I’m not, but something I can be…. something I wait for… something I’m made for.

I was particularly struck when I was taken on the journey through the following phrases:

When did it end? All the enjoyment? I’m sad again, don’t tell my boyfriend – it’s not what he’s made for…. what was I made for?

I have yet to view the movie, so I have no idea what the song’s writer intended in its meaning, but my initial thought is that Barbie is setting a great example. Happiness is an inside job. It’s not the responsibility of another to create and sustain our happiness for us. Placing that burden on our partner forces that person to shift their autonomy to serve and support ours. That’s not reciprocity, and that’s not interdependence.

My second thought is that it’s remarkably isolating that Barbie can’t express her sadness to her boyfriend. Why isn’t he made for her sadness? Is he made for plastic happiness? Superficiality? Has he abandoned parts of himself that her sadness may activate in his awareness? Cause that’s not going to work either. You can’t be in a relationship with someone and utilize stonewalling as your primary source of engagement with anything that makes you uncomfortable, Ken.

I can only interpret these verses through my personal filter, uniquely created by my life experiences and values. And on the topic of values, I’ve discovered that many of us actually may not know ours. This affects our ability to create change in our lives.

Last year, when I attempted to move, I had yet to identify that one of my values is playing the long game regarding financial assets. To sell in the way that I was going to would not have been a long-game decision. Therefore, it didn’t line up with that value.

When I was studying the work of Dr. Demartini earlier this year, I learned such an interesting point about values.

If I were to ask you what your values are, you’d use your conscious mind to tell me. You’d have a list, and they’d be ranked by priority.

It is often the case, however, that our behaviors reflect a different set of values. And that creates dissonance within. A typical example is someone who values health but doesn’t go to the gym they bought a membership for.

When I first completed his assessment to determine my values, I expressed relationships with others as one of my top values. But when I looked at my behaviors for many years, it could not be disputed that while I enjoy spending time with others, it was actually fifth on my list.

I feel intrinsically motivated to put #1-#4 into motion daily. These are my non-negotiables. #5 is also a priority of mine, but only after the others have been fulfilled. 

1. Finn and nature time: 2.5 hours per day
2. Listening to books and podcasts on topics of self-actualization, evolution, and development: 3-8 hours per day
3. Work: 8-10 hours a day
4. Creative/Entrepreneurial/Life Projects: 3-4 hours a day
5. Dating/Social Gatherings with Friends: only on a day when I don’t work because all others are non-negotiables (and right now I work seven days a week)

I was shocked to see that I talked a good game about having friendships and a romantic relationship at the top of my values list, but my behaviors keep the truthful score. Behaviors tell the actual story, while our mouths tell the story of what we want to be or think we are. We very well may be asleep to things that we don’t want to see about ourselves.

In my case, I was completely unaware that dating and seeing friends might be something I want to do, but I’m not willing to give up any of my devotion to the preceding four values in order to fulfill. Great friendships look like heartfelt messages exchanged here and there and seeing each other whenever a spontaneous time opens up. Dating is impossible, which explains why I friend-zone everyone. *facepalm* All this time I thought something was wrong with my commitment muscle when it’s all just a matter of values, priorities, and hours in a day.

When I get to where I’m ready to prioritize dating and social gatherings, I’ll know that something else will have to fall down the list. There are only so many hours in the day. This is really simple math.

If I asked Barbie what her values are, it sounds like she’d say that finding greater meaning in her life is top of her list of values. She’s awakened to the reality of her plastic, transactional life where she’s not real, as it turns out. Sadness fills the gap created by the divide between her old life and the one she now wants to live. Ken must not be made for a life of greater meaning. His values have stayed the same. She’s in a tough spot if this is the case. I don’t envy her.